One Big Dysfunctional Family
by Itachi012110
Summary: Akatsuki were a family. One person may call them a normal family; another may call them a group of misfits. However, most people called them dysfunctional.


**Author's Note: For all of you that have read my other stories, this one is different. This story is not a one-shot, it's not about Itachi and his family, it's not some cute fic about Sasuke either. This is a humorous story about the Akatsuki which I haven't finished yet. If you like it, I may be convinced to continue.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto**

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><p>Akatsuki were a family. One person may call them a normal family; another may call them a group of misfits. However, most people called them <em>dysfunctional<em>.

Pain (the Leader) started the organization Akatsuki. It was intended to be a well working business. Konan was Leader-sama's blue-haired female partner in the business. She joined with him. Together, they became the leaders of the organization even though nobody referred to Konan as one.

At first, the Akatsuki recruited a number of people to work for them and they eventually became a company. Over the years as people came and left, Leader decided to make 'exceptional' people _members_ of Akatsuki. Everyone else only worked there as _employees_.

Kakuzu joined in as the first member. He was one of the best when handling the money and finances. He was wise, intelligent as well, frugal, and hot-headed. He scared most _'potential members' _away before they became official members of the group.

Next joined in Zetsu, the split personality guy. Nobody knows why Zetsu joined or what his story is. Perhaps only Leader and Konan know but it does not seem that either of the two are willing to talk about it though.

After Zetsu, a guy by the name of Kisame joined in. He was a tall, blue-haired fellow that looked like a shark man. Other than his sharky features, he was deemed to be completely normal. He joked around a lot and he was good to send on errands because he got stuff done-most of the time.

A few months later, Akatsuki found someone who was intelligent like Kakuzu, but younger. His name was Sasori. Pain and Konan had somehow done the impossible: they found a man who looked like a teenager and had some aging secret behind his looks. Aside from his looks, Sasori got more things done than Kisame did and he knew _exactly_ what he was doing. There was no real need for training him. Sasori just went to work.

Orochimaru, or 'Orochi' as Kisame called him joined later. He was a creep, but hey, Zetsu the split personality guy talked to plants, so what could hurt, right?

By now Leader-sama had enough people to make partnerships happen. Leader was younger, and Leader was ambitious. He didn't look overly ambitious, but he was, and everyone was about to find out. Konan and Leader were stuck like glue and nobody questioned it. After all, they worked extremely well together. Kakuzu scared everyone he met away so Leader gave him the luxury of going solo for a while-a deal that Kakuzu was happy with. Kisame and Zetsu the split personality guy were paired together for a short while. Both of them were morons with purpose-to annoy others. They were good at it and because they were so good at it, Leader split the three of them. Zetsu had a split personality disorder which made it right to have him go solo too.

Questions arouse: if Zetsu and Kakuzu were to be solo, then why not everyone? In this case, Kakuzu was scheduled to meet with somebody who couldn't be easily scared away. This was a long term goal because Leader-sama was too busy with other matters to be finding more members.

Lastly, Orochi and Sasori became partners. Of all the current members besides the Leader and Konan, they worked the best. They got stuff done.

Kisame still needed a partner, and one came around quickly. Itachi Uchiha was a prodigy and the opposite of Sasori. Sasori looked young, but was older than he seemed. Itachi looked to be the same age as Sasori actually _was_ but was a lot younger. Although, at times, he did look his age. Sasori never did. Anyways, Itachi was good with numbers, reports, and pretty much everything Leader asked of him. This peeved Sasori while Orochimaru found something interesting about him. Eventually, Itachi became Kisame's partner, and hopefully somebody who could straighten Kisame up one day.

Months later, Orochi was kicked out of the organization. The creep took his membership with him and he never did come out and admit that he was really Michael Jackson. After he left, there was a little bit more order to the organization now that Itachi could work in 'peace' among other little things here and there.

Sasori had no partner now.

At this time, Akatsuki was growing bigger and had maintained a point of stability. Leader, still ambitious, could find replacements now and eventually recruit more members-up to nine since Orochi left with a membership in hand.

So far, the Akatsuki had: a bag of bones-Kakuzu, Zetsu the _mysterious_split personality guy with no information on him, shark man Kisame, underage Itachi, Sasori the moody red head with an age disorder/secret, Leader and his blue-haired partner Konan. What Akatsuki needed was somebody young (not that Itachi wasn't young enough, he should've been in college still!) and full of energy.

This necessarily wasn't a good idea or a good solution to their problems.

Despite this, Leader found Deidara. He was younger than Itachi (by a year) had more energy than all of the current members combined (except Sasori when he made coffee 'himself'), and showed promising qualities that would benefit the Akatsuki. He became Sasori's partner despite Sasori's various protests…and he hated Itachi right off the bat. None of this affected Itachi of course.

Years later, Itachi was at eligible drinking age (finally), Deidara was still underage, and Sasori, for whatever reason, left. He was still a member, but he left for personal _'family related reasons'_. He was to be gone for a long period of time. In his absence, Akatsuki found a partner for Kakuzu which was their first priority. While Sasori was gone, Deidara hung around Kisame out of admiration. He was good to go. Kakuzu, however, still needed a partner.

Hidan, a young, proactive, religious guy who cursed frequently became his partner. It was required for his job description for him to put why he wouldn't be scared off very easily. He wrote down that he participated in Halloween every year and bore the best costume for the costume contest every time. He eventually proved that he was a worthy partner for Kakuzu despite their constant bickering (they were like Sasori and Deidara, big whup.)

Tobi, who was the kid who fetched Leader's coffee in the morning and preformed errands in the afternoon, became Sasori's temporary replacement. The kid was a moron, but above all else, Leader-sama was desperate.

With Tobi as the not-so-official tenth member of Akatsuki, the group was full. When Sasori came back from his leave, they became one, complete, dysfunctional family.


End file.
